God’s Instructions to Christian Husbands

It’s often said, as goes the family, so goes the nation. The husband and father is the most influential person in most families. That’s the way God planned it. Godly families reflect our relationship between Christ and his church. There will be no marriage in heaven; we will be just one big--yes truly happy--family (Matt. 22:30).

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Perspective brides, what kind of man do you want for a husband? Married ladies, how can you encourage your husband to be the Christian man of God you admire and love? God helping me, I hope to shed some light on this crucial subject. The things I’m going to say will put us—including myself--to shame. Nobody can meet God’s standards. But we have to know what they are before we can even try to meet them.

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You won’t hear this at work, on TV, or among friends because God’s standards are far above the world’s standards. It’s God plan for what He wants a real Godly man to be. At best, all husbands fall short. Husbands aren’t supposed to just sit on their thrown and bark orders to their wife and kids. They are to reflect a Christ like spirit that honors King Jesus. Now what are God’s instructions in how Christian husbands are to treat their wife? Let’s see what God’s word instructs us.

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Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Ephesians 5:25-30.

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Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7.

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In these two Bible passages, I want to point out five ways God instructs Christian husbands to treat their wife.

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God’s first instruct to husbands is love your wife.

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Husband, you may think you do love your wife. But what’s thought to be love today is not true biblical love. Love is used to mean anything today. I love sports. I love to fish. I love ice cream. You mean what those things do for you. They satisfy your desires and give you pleasure. But the love Paul is talking about here is sacrifice—Christ our example showed love by giving Himself for the church. That’s what God wants His true men to do for their wives.

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In a sense, we husbands are to be a savior to our wife, to give ourselves up for her even to the point of death. To please our Lord we must give up selfishness to become selfless considering her needs above our own. Some might say that’s being a wimp. No that’s the test of manhood from God’s perspective. In our sinful nature, we want to have everybody serve us and bow before us as king of the realm. We think she’s to meet my needs with never a thought about her needs. And if she doesn’t get everything just right, we pounce on her like a whipped dog. That’s not loving as Christ loved. Instead of being Mr. Fix, try understanding, encouraging and working with her, we want to run away from her problems—we tend to forget she’s human too.

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The truly loving husband says, “If our marriage ends, you will have to leave me, I’m not going anywhere. I’m glued to you no matter what comes—good, bad, or ugly—because we’re God’s people determined to honor our Lord, our marriage vows, and each other.

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Like King Jesus, husbands are to sanctify their wives, to set them apart as special having no spot or wrinkle. Now when a man marries a woman, he marries her history and her family together with the good parts and the bad parts. Things were ideal during dating. He didn’t see her without makeup, or know she could get upset and fuss, or had certain faults he never imagined. Maybe she had an abusive father, or dominating mother. Over time, little resentments build up and clog a marriage. Spots are outside pressures; wrinkles have to do with aging and our losing that agility of being able to adapt. This means husbands have to work to cleanse their wife, not through harsh criticism or abuse but through understanding, encouraging, giving his strength to protect and provide for her weakness. It takes real manly leadership to be like the Lord Jesus at such times.

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Next, God tells husbands to live with your wife.

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You say, of course I already do. We stay in the same house.” Peter said live in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7). Too many husbands think my work is outside the house and hers is inside the home. But many wives today work outside the home as well as inside. Fairness in such cases requires husbands do housework as well. Tired wives are relieved when husbands help by washing the dishes, cleaning, cooking, taking out the trash, doing the laundry. Yes, a paycheck, house and car are necessary, but so is time spent together working, sharing and discussing things of mutual concern.

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Third, God exhorts husbands to know their wife.

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Two things are necessary here: To know your Bible to understand God’s instructions and to know your wife to be able to help her. Both the Bible (2 Peter 3:16) and women are hard to understand and require continued study. A woman’s complexity is confusing to men. You think she wants this when she really wants that. Women carry a full pocketbook, men a little billfold. On a brief trip from home, men grab up a few essentials, women want several suitcases. And women have their monthly cycle that requires special patience and understanding.

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Women need to talk. To know your wife you need to give her eyeball-to-eyeball attention. Women talk is not always interesting to men. And women are usually indirect making it hard to know exactly what they’re trying to say. When that’s the case, ask her to explain further and show genuine interest. Women are more open with their fears, cares, hopes, disappointments and joys. Paying close attention makes them feel loved and to respond with love.

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Fourth, God wants husbands to honor their wife.

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Honor means to assign her a place of honor, treat her as a queen, not just another woman. Make her feel special, roll out the red carpet. Open doors for her. Write her notes of appreciation telling her all the special qualities she has. Call her during the day saying you’re looking forward to being with her this evening. Call her sweet names—honey, precious, darling, sweaty pie. Give her gifts not just on birthdays and anniversaries but anytime for no particular except that you love her. When chivalry dies, your marriage will start to die—romance is gone.

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Remember when you first starting dating, you couldn’t do enough for her. You couldn’t keep your eyes off her. You lighted up when she came into the room. What happened? Start dating again. Do special things for your queen you know she enjoys. Say honey, I’ve planned a special time out this evening to a place I know you’ll really enjoy. Show respect for her ideas and opinions. And if you have to correct some fault, first praise her good traits and skills and then speak calmly and reassuringly so she knows you still value her highly. When you disagree, still listen to her ideas and opinions and let her know you will be responsible if something goes wrong. Of course, all this is not easy. But it’s the way to show her how significant she is in your life, how special she is to you.   

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The fifth instruction is that God expects us husbands to pray with our wife. 

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God’s apostle Peter’s final word is to pray together as heirs of the grace of life that your prayers be unhindered. If the two of you don’t have a heavenly foundation, you’ll wind up with a hellish relationship. Together husband and wife become one flesh as God intended and are heirs of God’s grace or favor. God is the biggest force there is to guide, provide and protect your home. Bible study and prayer makes marriage more than just two bodies together. It then becomes a spiritual union with our Maker, Savior and Judge. Only then can we fulfill the purpose for which we were made. Husband, you are the spiritual thermostat in your marriage—you control the temperature whether hot or cold. Your wife is the thermometer—she tells you how it reads. It’s a serious but fulfilling responsibility to be a man of God rightly governing his home. May we find it true in our lives.
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Christian husbands, God's Word has told us what our Lord requires of us. If we want God blessed homes, we better listen carefully and do what our Lord says. God know how things work out a lot better than we do. Won't you commit to trust God's way and try to follow His will today? 

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For much sound Bible exposition, I’m indebted to Dr. Tony Evans book: What A Way To Live. Dr. Evans has a clear arresting style, profound insights, and practical applications. I also recommend his other books such as Our God Is Awesome and What Matters Most.