Help for Persons with Low Self-esteem

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Sarah’s name means princess, but she feels anything but a princess. Though an intelligent, nice looking woman, in growing up her alcoholic parents often ridiculed the things she said and did. Her parents didn’t cuddle, hug, affectionately touch, and praise her, but often scolded and criticized her. Consequently, she grew up feeling shy, withdrawn, uncomfortable in crowds, rejected compliments given her, had few friends and felt of little worth. Lacking self-confidence, she was often depressed and anxious thinking I’m just a born loser and will never amount to anything.

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The psychiatrist, Alfred Adler, coined the term “inferiority complex”. Most everyone feels inadequate or inferior at times. But to live with this attitude of worthlessness is not a burden our good and loving Creator meant for us to bear and we can overcome such feelings to become a healthy, happy, productive person in society.

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In this article, I will look at causes of low self-esteem and suggest ways to overcome this crippling lifestyle to become our best self.
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Some Causes of Low Self-esteem

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Faulty Theology. Yes, we humans are sinful. But that doesn’t mean that we’re worthless and God doesn’t love us. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” “God so loved the world” meaning sinful humanity. Self-worship, self-conceit, self-denigration, and selfishness is wrong. But self-love and self-respect is not (Matt. 22:39). Humility is not the same as humiliation or being put down.

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 Being unworthy is not the same as being worthless. While we’re a depraved fallen humanity, we’re still beings of dignity in God’s image a little lower than angels. While every aspect of our nature is affected by sin, we retain a rational, immortal, moral nature like our Creator.

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Now, Christians regard your sin nature crucified with Christ, and live by faith through Christ who lives within to motivate and empower you through love to overcome sin. Gal. 2:20; Rom. 6:5-7.

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The Bible teaches equality between all persons, races and genders being of one blood. No one is to regard herself or himself either superior or inferior to anyone else. We’re to regard ourselves unique creations to fulfill God’s great plan for us. Human anatomy shows men and women compatible and equal in dignity but with different roles. It’s unjust to put women down because Eve yielded to temptation. Adam wasn’t deceived, could have stopped her, and the sin nature is passed on through him.   

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Sin and Guilt. Our conscience testifies to God’s moral standard. Though guilty of sin, we can come to God for forgiveness, cleansing, and restoration. We don’t save face by denying, ignoring or suppressing our sins. It only hardens our hearts, deepens our guilt, misery and further condemnation.

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Parent-Child Relationships. Psychiatrists and counselors know inferior feelings usually come from parental upbringing. Parents cause their children to feel unloved and unaccepted by excessive criticism, punishment, neglect, scolding, shaming, and setting perfectionist standards. Or, they don’t provide a loving environment of praise, appreciation, understanding and warm expressions of love such as cuddling, hugging and affectionate touching. Their children may repeat and pass on their poor example. We should encourage such children to regard handicaps, limitations, and a poor background as challenges to overcome and show faith in their ability.

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Unrealistic Expectations. Some persons set themselves up for failure. They feel that to succeed, be loved and be worthy, thy must meet other people’s standards. So, if I fail to meet these goals, I will feel pressured, shamed, frightened, or punished. Or, I must be in control, be first, be the smartest, be superior. Great aggressiveness sometimes is rewarded, but its failure can cause disappointment and emotional breakdown. A short thin guy is not likely to become a basketball or football star.  

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Community Influences. Persons often judge a person’s worth by their intelligence, attractiveness, education, money, power and achievements. Parents, school, friends, news media, government, businesses may value us by such criteria. Or, we may feel valued only for our possessions--a nice house, car, boat, or the latest technological gadget. Our true worth and success is not in what others think, or in what we possess, but in how we think and feel about ourselves. The most we can do is try to be wise and responsible with the gifts God has given us—that’s our worth.
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Some Ways to Achieve Worthiness

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Behave Responsibly. People helpers help themselves in helping others. Doing good for others brings its own reward. It’s more blessed to give than receive now and eternally (Acts 20:35). Don’t be critical of others mistakes, weaknesses, faults, deformities. Show respect, concern and appreciation of peoples’ virtues. It helps you both feel more worthy. Even when mistakes need correction, we can do it in a positive supportive encouraging way.  

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Deeper Your Understanding. It helps to explore the roots of our thinking. What experiences made me think, feel and act this way? Maybe I’m blaming myself when I’m not at fault or it was something that just naturally would have occurred with anyone. Talking problems over with an accepting counselor or trusted friend may gain insight, relieve guilt, and give a more positive attitude. Openly discussing past failures and injuries to an accepting counselor can unpack pent up fears, doubts, misunderstandings and relieve self-condemning attitudes.  

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Understand the Biblical Teaching about Man. Secular humanist doctrines are that we are just evolving animals destine for extinction. They can discourage, depress and lead us to suicide. They destroy absolute truth and morality and lead to chaos and dictatorship. They deny human worth, rights, the basis for moral living and can result in a blood bath of millions.
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Christian counselling is to encourage people with the Bible teaching that we have great worth being created in God’s image a little lower than the angels. Explain that God loves us, has a plan for our lives, wants relationship with us, and offers eternity in Heaven with him. Our great God and King has the last word (Psalm 2; Isa. 46:10; Dan. 4:35; Rom. 8:28; Rev. 22:12).

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Seek A Realistic Self-Evaluation. Serious long-term anxiety may require several exploratory sessions with trained counselors. Try listing what you feel are your virtues and strengths as well as your vices and weaknesses. Ask in each case what past experiences or other people’s opinions warrant inclusion on the list? Be deeply open and honest about both. Assess how to overcome harmful vices and improve virtues. Write out long-range goals and priorities.

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Learn New Skills. Sometimes counselors can help by suggesting counseles take education courses, read books, get in an exercise program, join a community project, take up a hobby, go to a Bible study and meditate on God’s Word. Such things inject new life and excitement into one’s experiences. Always seek to be courteous, friendly, respectful to others and they generally will return the same.

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Avoid Destructive Tendencies. We all have them and once we understand what ours are we can work on improvement. Serve people and don’t try to manipulate them. Dwell on the positive and not the negative that’s discouraging and depressing. Be grateful instead of angry and resentful when shown a fault. Realize discovery is the first step to improvement. Understand fear is natural and it doesn’t have to paralyze our actions. Prayerfully trust God for improved outlook and behavior.

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Deal Honestly With Sin. We all sin and our natural tendency is try to save face. We try to hide it, deny it, explain it away, blame our poor circumstances, or say God or the devil made me do it. All wrongdoing is ultimately rebellion against God. And only the blood of Jesus can take it away and make us clean new persons. Guilt feelings may be due to real guilt. Then we need to trust in the Savior of sinners who bore our sin and took our punishment on the cross. It’s your choice.

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